Work, life and things in between – Day 90 – Best friends!
I have this really weird habit. Every so often when I am too tired to engage in any cerebral activity and need a break, I visit my bookshelves.
My books are my friends. They are as visual as a picture album and as bountiful as a fruits and vegetables stand. So, like friends, I visit them from time to time. So that day, to take a break from all that reading, I decided to make room in my book shelves and find a home for my new books.
To depart from my books is like giving away a favorite sweater which I would have outgrown years ago. Difficult, but doable! Let’s face it, when was the last time you read Boom, Bust and Echo, written decades ago? And, what is the likelihood of reading it again? Because space is a rare commodity in my condo, I need to decide which one stays, which one goes.
Somewhat like making the cuts for the sports team!
All my books have a date and the name of a city written in the front page. Where I was when I bought it and when. That is a story in itself….a wonderful day dreaming activity it is to go through rows of books with an atlas and remembering what space, mental and emotional space that is, I was in when I bought that book.
So, it goes this way; a pile to give away at the library, a pile to recycle, a pile to shred and a pile to keep preciously for my memoirs….among this latest pile are my agendas from the last 4 years…..the years spent at my last job.
I leaf through them, read the daily tasks to accomplish, conference calls schedule, reports to complete, deliverable, reminders and a sudden overwhelming wave of sadness came over me.
Wow! Where did that come from?
I tried to capture the essence of it. It had nothing to do with regrets over the loss of that job. It was at a different level than that…It had everything to do with an incredible feeling of loneliness…. with a sickening “swim or sink” sensation. I must admit, I was not so sure about the “swim or sink” feeling but I was definitely clear on the sadness. There was something I was carrying with me that may not have anything to do with that particular job or that environment I was in. But then again, it may.
So why put up with it?
Well, I am happy to report that somehow, I am no longer in that space and I also know why I stayed there for so long. First, it was not all that bad, and second, because I had a plan (see? I am not always so clueless) so I could be where I am today. No different than training for the triathlon. Drooling, demanding, unforgiving and relentless. In the end, crossing the finish line makes it all worthwhile.
You could say it had a happy ending except that the ending is only the beginning! so who knows where that will lead? To day 91.