Work, life and things in between – Day 100 – What will it be?
My treat! It was my turn to being coached. I was anxious to see how she would deal with me. I was still toying with coaching versus mentoring, versus consulting, versus whatever I was compelled to do. I struggled with listening instead of talking…..waiting instead of jumping in…answering a question by a question…I was getting antsy…I was thinking we could talk about that.
“What would you like to address today”? she asked.
“Well let’s see” I recall telling her, “there is world hunger, democracy in Egypt, to sell or not to sell my condo in Montreal, but really, really deep down…..there is always only one thing: what do I do with my writing? I want to put it out there so bad and I don’t know how to reconcile this with my business…..will it help? Will it be a hindrance? Should I use my own name? a pen name? who will hire a coach who started a career without a plan?”I could not believe I was still asking these questions! I thought I had settled that battle earlier on.
Did I really want people to read all of this about me?
Actually, that, I knew, I did. This was the reason why I wanted to put it out there so bad.
Why did I want this?
There was no “reason” really, it was more like an irresistible urge to do so. Maybe the business answer was that in my years as an HR Executive I have seen firsthand the incredible powerful outcome of leaders who allowed themselves to be seen as they were and were able to deal with their own vulnerability. I have also seen, more often than I cared to remember, the devastating result (or lack thereof) of the opposite; the leader who insisted on being and doing it all.
Why leaders? Because there are so many people under their commands who suffer from their shortcomings and suffering people in an organization somehow end up in HR! them and everything else that evolves around them, including the frustrated leader himself who can’t understand for the life of him why people are not as motivated or as capable as he is.
So, writing about my own fears and limitations and demonstrating that despite them one can still amount to something might encourage others to do so. It is by taking them out of the closet that we recognize them. Very liberating. The more you do it, the more you want to do it…Much like passing kidney stones…not that you ever want to do that, but until they are all out, you know that there is something left inside…and you want to get to the bottom of this!
“Why are you asking?”she said. “You already are on line”…
I know, I know, but somehow this has not settled with me yet….. To day 101.